So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
