alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
