That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
