the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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