Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
