Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
