I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
