Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
someone owes me an orgasm
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
