I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
