you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
