You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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