I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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