I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
