how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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