..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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