I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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