So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
