cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
