There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
