...so i touched it.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
