Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
