so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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