dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
