At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
