Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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