Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
