I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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