oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
