i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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