now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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