So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
