I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
