just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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