i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
