Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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