i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
