I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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