It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
