You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
