It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
