i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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