Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
