yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
