She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
