Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
