He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
