She is in my trunk
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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