Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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