i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
