I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
