Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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