God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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