Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
